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    Sunday, September 7, 2008

    Where's My Damn Paradise

    My life seems like the perfect life a girl can have but deep down theres so much that goes on that i need to let out but i have no idea where to start. my family is the best family i could ever ask for but over the years i've learned so much bout my family each and everyone of them. i never knew your own blood could be so conniving and they just pick whoever they wanna deem as their favorite in the family. my parents always taught me to never play favorites cause it never benefits anyone. i hate the fact that the family i look up to dont even give a damn shit bout me. they only care bout the others in the family. fuck this stupid shit its like i dont belong. what kind of gma or aunt or uncle fucking plays favorites? what younger sister turns on her older sister? what gma only cares for certain kids and not others. why do the ones that dont care bout the family get all the attention? what uncle only favors certain nephews over nieces and brother in laws over sisters? but with my family on the outside we're supposed to be perfect. got everything we need without a care in the world. what bullshit i dont believe in anything i once did anymore. then comes school o. m. fucking g! school's just school with the hard to understand professors and non stop hmwk and tests. but im just trying my best to achieve my goal i have set out for myself. first im gonna get my bachelors in chem second get my ass into pharmacy school third make all that money and do something meaningful with it. work i cant really complain bout. i have two jobs one is being a pharmacy tech i've been working in the pharmacy for... it'll be a year next month beg of october. but my job there is wonderful i get to learn so many new things and its so helpful to help me prepare for pharmacy school. the only thing i can complain bout are the people who come in and get their damn drugs. i swear to god half of them are druggies but the others are quite nice. its just the ones who dont get their drugs and then go all crazy on you and start bitching you out if their stupid insurance plan dont pay for the drugs. it's not my fault but it seems to them that they just like to take it out on whoever told them that news. yup that would be me, the messenger. dont go and bite the messengers head off. but the people who come in also do this thing where they're all yelling at you and it just makes you feel like you're the scum of the earth. idk what they do but there are days where one person can just make you feel like shit the rest of the day. ughhh i know that the prescriptions help them in their life but that doesnt mean they need to take it out on a girl who's only trying to do her job to the best of her ability... my other job is being a nail tech. yeah ive been doing that for awhile since my sweet mom owns a nail salon she's had for about nine years or so. i cant complain bout that job either seeing how my boss is my mom and shes pays me very well. but she sorta has too cause i work with feet all day. ahhh. haha most of the ladies that come in have good feet though so thank you very much ladies for taking care of your feet. think of us little people =) yet the stress from this job isnt even from our clients its the damn people i gotta work with. everyday is like a competition or something. who can perform what service that fastest or who's got the best new design. omg i dont give a damn shit i just go in and do my job and just try to please the lovely ladies that come in yet sometimes the clients can be overly picky but.. i dont got time to compete with ladies i could care less for. fobby fresh people always gotta act like they better than you. who the hell cares. last but never least comes the boyfriend. he always has my best interests at heart but sometimes i feel like he's suffocating me at times. i mean we see each other almost everyday cause of school and i go to his house after work for a bit and all but i feel as if even though our relationship is strong that sometimes time apart for just even a day will make our relationship better. and when i say he has my best interests at heart he really does... he always thinks of what's best for me school wise and financial wise and just everything else wise. he loves me and i adore and love him to death. its just that sometimes when we talk bout something going on in our life i think we both get stubborn at the same time and neither of can be wrong yet neither one of us will back down and see each other's reason. sometimes our talks are so deep that no matter what i end up crying. not b/c he's right and im wrong or im right and he's wrong but that it's just too much for me to take and i always end up crying. on top of that everytime i cry i get this fucking huge headache which is the absolute worst. i just really need a vacation where i can have all the time to myself and relax and be free and just have no worries. if i only could but i never have the time. hopefully around my birthday next year that time will come but who am i to complain im a nobody.


    Tuesday, September 2, 2008

    Three Years

    It's been 36 months since we've started our relationship. there's so much that comes to mind when i think of you. i remember when i used to get butterflies in my stomach when we first started talking to each other. there was this unexplainable feeling that i would get every time your name popped up on my phone. talking to you was so different then when i talked to other guys, cause i could tell you anything and i wasnt worried of how you would think of me. you understood me when no one else did and you were the only one i could turn to when things had gone wrong. after all those nights that we had talked i started feeling this attraction towards you and it didnt take long for me to realize how much i had liked you and how much i had cared for you. i was always curious of what you were doing or what you were thinking and even wondering if you were thinking of me. our relationship had moved fast but it felt like a lifetime. every moment we had spent together and all the things we did together always felt right. there wasnt a single moment where i was worried if things were going too fast cause deep down i knew... i knew that you were the one. the one who captured my heart, the one who would care for me no matter what happens, the one who would be my knight in shining armor. it might sound corny or cheesy but this is how i felt and what i felt was this desire to be with you always. i wanted to always be at your side and to always be the one you would turn to first if you ever needed someone to talk to. i always had this huge smile on my face when we would talk, and when we would be together i was just so giddy. every time i was with you, all my worries went away and i was care free. you made me feel so good bout myself and i loved it. and as i think bout the beginning of our relationship i realize how all my feelings for you are exactly the same and that just tells me that you're the one for me. you still put a smile on my face when you call or text me, letting me know that you're thinking of me. even though it's been three years theres nothing different between us except that my love for you has grown so much. when you smile at me it makes me weak inside because i know that theres no one else that you would smile like that to. even though we fight a lot more than we would like to, i know deep down that our fights are what keeps us together. nothing could ever come between me and you cause i know our love for each other is strong. im so in love with you and i know you feel the same way and i dont need anyone but you in my life. i will always need you by my side and i know you'll be there for me. i know there are times where i make you feel as if you haven't done your job as a bf but trust me you always are. you're always making me happy and making me feel loved. im so grateful to have you in my life and there will never be enough words for me to tell you how much i love you boo.